I walked away.
So shocked and angry I couldn't respond. EASY.
Easy to cry every morning when my MATERNITY clothes are still too small for me but my baby is 3 months old.
Easy to work out 4-6 times a week for 10 MONTHS and see almost no progress.
Easy to check ads, meal plan, grocery shop (passing by all the treats and not getting them), meal prep, and do it all on a budget.
Easy to say no to the FREE treats that show up ALL the time.
Easy to not even lick off the jelly from my fingers from the sandwich I fed my baby.
Easy to eat tons of super clean food day after day.
Easy to wake up at 5:30 every morning to go lift weights. Every. Day.
Easy to do two or three workouts a day.
EASY to track and weigh ALL my food.
Easy to drink one to two gallons of water a day.
NOOOOOOOO! No! NO! NO!
I will never tell anyone that fitness is easy. It is brutally hard. I can't count the number of meltdowns I've had. I was consistent for an entire year and ridiculously hardcore for two entire months and I have earned every bit of whatever fitness I have.
I will never tell anyone that fitness isn't worth it. It is. I feel great. I love feeling strong and confident. I love everything that fitness has given me. Goal setting, long-term perspective, determination, patience, confidence in my ability to do hard things. Not to mention abs that I can see. Also, I can almost always open jars by myself now.
I remember dragging myself out of bed every morning last year to go work out. I hated it. At first I was determined to lose weight. So I made myself go. After a few weeks I began to notice how much better I felt all day when I exercised in the morning. If I missed a work out the rest of my day was noticeably crummier. So I kept pushing through, even though I was losing less than a pound a month.
As my eating got cleaner, the results came faster. I lost weight, but quickly I realized that my goals had changed. I no longer wanted to be skinny, I wanted to be strong and fit. I got more excited about pushing myself hard. I killed my workouts at the gym, and slowly, I grew to love it.
I feel weird saying this, but I love the burn. The feeling of burning muscles, tired and aching. I love pushing through that feeling, going past it, seeing how far I can go. At first I hated it, but I wanted the results, then I liked it for the emotional and physical boost to my day. Then I liked it a bit more because I was getting results. Now I feel like I love it just for itself. I love doing what was impossible last week. I love testing my mind and body to battle my fear and lift heavier. I love doing really hard things every morning first thing when I wake up. I love feeling sore and knowing that my muscles are growing.
Call me crazy, I know. But it's a very empowering feeling.
None of it is easy.
I recently went on vacation for two weeks and gained 7 lbs in cookies and milkshakes. (It was totally, blissfully worth it.)
I came home and hit the gym hard. Leg day, first thing. I'm so sore I look like an 80 year old every time I have to sit down. And I LOVE IT!!!!!!
Some days I feel like letting out a huge yell as I walk out of the gym!
YEEEESSSSS! This is me! I'm STRONG and getting STRONGER!!!! GAAAAAAAAAA!
I LOVE IT!
I got in better shape just from my daily habits. Working out, sleeping, drinking water, cooking and eating clean. I did take multivitamins, fish oils, protein powder and a few basic supplements. I never did a fad diet. I never took fat loss pills, or followed any kind of extremely restrictive diet. I never did a cleanse, or paid for any dieting plans. Just your basic clean eating. Meat, dairy, grains, veggies, fruits, legumes, eggs.
I love eating clean most of the time and indulging hardcore every once in awhile. I loved taking a vacation and feeling like I could eat a milkshake every other day and cookies on the in between days. I love coming home and feeling incredibly happy to return to eating mostly clean. Weight lifting every morning. Doing yoga with my boys. Running at night when Evan has to catch up on work stuff. Making new goals and knowing that I'll never be done.
To anyone thinking they want an easy way to lose weight: The best way is not Easy. You earn every bit of it. It takes countless choices. Daily patterns that become habits that transform you and your whole life.
It. Is. Worth. It.
 |
| 2.5 months after Graham was born and my maternity clothes still cut into me like crazy. |
 | ||
| I only ever posted pictures where most of my body was hidden by the kids. I was too embarrassed by my post baby fatness. But look at that chunk of cuteness I'm holding. I earned that baby belly. |
 |
| A year and a quarter later I still get surprised that I can fit into my pre-baby clothes now! It rocks! |
 |
| I have reached some of my fitness goals, and I have a long way to go on others. Some of them I may never accomplish. My calves and triceps are coming along, though. It is rewarding to see that there are some results from the hours and hours and a year and a half of consistent effort. It seems long as you go through every day, but looking back, this happened so fast. |
Note: I know a lot of people who do take fat loss supplements of some kind or another or pay for diet or exercise plans. I think these can definitely speed the process along and take a lot of effort and will power to complete. They are HARD to follow and like everything, if you want long term results, it has to become a life style of consistent habits. I just want people to know that you can do it all on your own. Whichever way you do it, it will be hard. And an incredibly empowering journey.
Note 2: I believe everyone should love their body. All bodies are miraculous and beautiful. I wish I had loved my body better throughout all the sizes I have been. I still feel fat most of the time. And honestly, when I was too big for all my clothes, I should have just bought clothes that fit and felt great in them. As I don't think we are done having kids, I am struggling to change my mentality to one of loving my body more no matter the size. I am going to get bigger and I am going to continue the fitness journey. I hope this time around I will love the physical part of my soul better through all of its changes. That being said, I know that being in shape is healthier, will extend my life, prevent diseases, and I KNOW that it just feels great. All bodies are beautiful, everyone looks and feels better the healthier they get.
Note 3: I'm not in nearly as good of shape as I want to be, I still hate my love handles, saddlebags, and back fat. I can't wait to see how good of shape I can be in coming years as I make this a life long habit. In the meantime I am loving every workout for the struggle that it is.
